The Politics of Love

Posted by Katarina Nolte at 1:25 am

If the reason we choose the unsuccessful, unnatural and nonsensical attempt to be monogamous is love or sex then the real issue may lie in our perception of sex and accompanying emotions.
Is our idea of monogamy off or is it our understanding of human sexuality?
And who says that we must love anything or anyone forever?


What does love have to do with monogamy?

Is the expectation for a partner to remain monogamous even based on actual love? Wouldn’t love mean wishing the loved one love, pleasure, satisfaction, affection, etc.? Wouldn’t true sexual love and intimacy mean enjoying the partner’s feelings and sensations as if they were our own? Wouldn’t it mean getting off on seeing our lover get off?


Jealousy

We need to be conditioned to suffer from low self-esteem in order to feel jealousy or more accurately to be unable to enjoy other peoples’ pleasure and happiness. We must be taught that our own value is limited and dependent on external factors and society’s approval. We also must not receive all the love, affection, freedom of development, attention and education we would need in order to enjoy a healthy self-esteem, self-love, sense of self-ownership, independence, etc.

This way we grow up with the perception that we need our other ‘half’, because, supposedly, we are not whole, complete beings who deserve love. No, we must earn love via countless compromises until we entirely unlearn who and what we are and what we truly need, like or love.


The alternative

If everyone had multiple partners, would jealousy still exist? How much attention, companionship, love, admiration, and pleasure is enough? And once we have enough, do we continue to fight and compromise or do we direct our focus and energy onto other important matters in our lives and our world?

Take for example people who love food. Food lovers may overeat, but even they at some point have had enough at which they stop caring who else might eat their favorite snack.

Those who have little food at their disposal, on the other hand, tend to fight for it, steal it, and do all kinds of things they normally wouldn’t do just to fulfill their basic nutritional needs.


Is monogamy natural or is it a part of politics serving those in power?

Considering the exceptional complexities of human beings, how can a single person be expected to satisfy another individual’s unique needs for friendship, companionship, partnership and sex?

Because this is an obvious impossibility the idea of ’soul mates’ was invented, followed by the general notion that love is mysterious and should not be attempted to be understood. Back came practical thinking and the focus on compatibility. But this too, doesn’t quite cut it, because we aren’t conditioned to be honest with ourselves and most certainly not with our potential and actual romantic partners.


The compromise

If I want this I must disregard my interest/need/desire/preference for that. We once again start lying to ourselves, then the rest of the world, and finally we’re ready for monogamy, a highly unsuccessfully long-lived philosophy, there to remind us that happiness and quality of life require constant inner and outer battles. And so we struggle, get tired and die, not very happily ever after.

The most crucial question in the politics of love is this:


Who benefits most from the widespread and highly distracting confusion about love and sex?

Interesting Links

http://lergo.wordpress.com/2006/09/14/monogamy-myth-or-just-mystical/
http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/archives/2006/08/is_monogamy_dea.html
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html
http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm

http://www.volconvo.com/forums/philosophy-religion/6576-monogamy-realistic.html
http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/chat-conversation/monogamy-healthy-199062.html
http://www.divorce360.com/blogs/2008/8/25/andreanostramo/is-monogamy-realistic-blog-12378
http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=1990-14609-001&CFID=4682764&CFTOKEN=55508702
http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Think-Monogamy-Is-Overrated/82379


Polyamory

http://www.polyamory.org/
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/
http://www.poly-nyc.com/
http://www.polyamoryonline.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy
http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164
http://www.unmarried.org/polyamory.html


Good Health!

Katarina Nolte

http://www.katarinanolte.com

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Subscribe in a Reader


88/31










© 2010 Katarina Nolte Suffusion WordPress theme by Sayontan Sinha